These past few months have been challenging for me and I got stuck. In January, my dad got diagnosed with a bone infection (osteomyelitis), and the treatment included daily IV antibiotics. His treatment regimen had unexpected drug side effects, allergies, and hospitalizations. Additionally, there were caregivers who were unreliable or incompetent plus family disagreements about his care. It was emotionally and physically exhausting.
Through this, I kept trying to “find” time for art. I felt stuck having the energy to make something new. In reflecting on why I was stuck, what came up for me was “fear”.
Fear over managing my dad’s healthcare made me lean back in caution because I did not know what to expect. It made me afraid to move because all the changes left me feeling ungrounded. One moment he would be fine, or I would have a plan then instability would come crashing in again and again wiping it out.
I can see now how the caution spilled into my creative life and held me back. I was not taking risks. I did not start new projects. I was not in a place to open myself up to go with a new idea without a clear idea of the ending. I would try to write this newsletter and then give up. I see now I was unwilling to even draft out an idea and let it be revised.
Art and life are about leaning into the unknown. You start with a sketch, an idea, or a plan. For my art, I work to capture the emotion of an initial idea as a loose sketch. Next, I sketch over it a little darker and maybe start to add color. I sometimes use the first sketch as a study then draw it again to create the final art.
The art never turns out the way I initially thought. Sometimes it is better than expected. Other times it is disappointing. In both, I try to keep perspective of what did I learn from it so I can continue to lean into the unknown.
As for my dad, the doctors said his bone infection is resolved. I am optimistic about his continued healing. The storm feels passed and I am finding my way back into my art.
I recently heard the advice of allowing the universe to surprise you in how good things manifest. In thinking about “good surprises” coming to me, I created the new piece above “Angel of the Manifesting Universe” (see above). It is a reminder to myself that I don’t need to know all the answers and keeping myself open to unknown good possibilities.
I initially created the angel sketches (see below) thinking about my Spirit being open to receiving surprises. As I drew and painted, it changed into the universe giving out its support in surprising ways.
I know the COVID pandemic has been hard in unexpected ways. I hope you find your way to overcome any stuck places and lean into your unknown.
Thank You,
Laurel Latto
Artist & Founder of DonnaBellas Angels
P.S. Visit the DonnaBellas Angels website for this art and see angel gifts with this image. Royalties from sales support the non-profit.
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